


Two Halves Made Whole

by orphan_account



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Illnesses, M/M, Plot Twists, dying
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-11
Updated: 2016-10-11
Packaged: 2018-08-21 21:37:56
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,159
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8261212
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Humans die, it’s a law of nature. Lucifer never cared much about it, but now that it’s Sam’s turn at crossing the line, he wishes he could change something to save him. But this time there is nothing he can do, Sam’s time is up and they both know it. Things just don’t go as he expected them to.





	

They knew this day would come, even if they never talked about it. After all those years, after all the suffering and joy – there was one last journey and as much as Sam wished things would be different, he would have to take this one alone. He felt no regret, not really. This was how things were supposed to go and they both knew it from the very beginning. Sadly knowing this didn’t take away the sadness in Sam’s heart when Lucifer’s hand closed around his own and he smiled up at him weakly.

“How long?” Lucifer asked for the fifth or sixth time and, as much as Sam tried not to, the human laughed.

“I don’t know,” he sighed. “Soon.”

“I will stay with you, you know that, right? And wherever you go, I will find you.”

“Lucifer, really?” Sam smiled. “We talked about this so often. You can’t change what will happen.”

“I know, but…”

“No buts, not this time,” Sam slowly shook his head and covered Lucifer’s hand with his free one. He looked deep into the wet blue eyes, wishing more than ever that he could take the pain away from his other half somehow. “We had our time and it was the best time of my life, but I’m human and sadly, we die.”

“They can all die, I don’t care,” Lucifer said with a hint of anger and glared behind Sam. “But why do you have to?”

“I don’t make the rules, Lucifer,” Sam smiled weakly.

Before he had the chance to say anything else, a cough took over him and shook him so much that he had to sit up and let go of Lucifer’s hand to cover his mouth. Lucifer was alarmed immediately, shoving a hand behind Sam’s back to support him. Despite not being able to answer, Sam gave him a thankful glance – despite everything, Lucifer was still as caring as he had always been.

“Better?” Lucifer asked when the worst was over, earning a slight smile.

“As good as new,” Sam groaned and laid back down. He hadn’t left the bed for almost a week now, merely to go to the bathroom – and even that he couldn’t do by himself anymore. It was embarrassing, really.

“Promise me something, please,”

Lucifer looked up at the surprising words, his stomach tightening at the way Sam’s voice changed. Now it was even weaker than before, barely more than a hoarse whisper.

“Anything, Sam.”

“Try to move on,”

“Sam…”

“No, Lucifer, please,” Sam shook his head. “I _will_ die, you know it – I know it. I can feel it, here…” he laid a hand on his chest, right above his heart, and grimaced. “I don’t want to die and leave you, but this time you can’t do anything.”

“I _know_!” Lucifer groaned frustrated and ran a hand through his hair, clenching it to a fist. “I _know_ you will die and I _hate_ it!”

“And you want to do something stupid, like searching for me in heaven… or hell.”

“No! You’re not going to hell, Sam, not this time,” Lucifer said strict, as if he had a say in it, and glared at his other half. “You will go to heaven and yes, I _will_ follow you.”

“How, Lucifer?” Sam asked sadly, his gaze on the angel softening. “Did you forget you can’t get into heaven anymore?”

“I don’t care, I will fight my way through if I have to.”

“Lucifer…” the pleading ton of Sam’s voice managed to calm Lucifer enough to look at him, and when he did his posture changed visibly – his shoulder dropped and he just looked defeated. He sank back down onto the bed next to Sam and took his hand again.

“I don’t want to lose you, Sam. Not like this, not forever…”

Sam knew Lucifer wasn’t selfish, even if it sounded like it. They had shared so much during the last years, grew together in ways no one else would understand. Sam’s pain was Lucifer’s, as much as Lucifer’s pain was Sam’s. All of this left them both in an agony they couldn’t deny and Sam knew all his angel wanted was to stay with him, to make Sam’s suffering stop, rather than his own. A bond like theirs wouldn’t even be broken by death, it was something Sam just knew, without anyone ever telling him.

“Just stay with me, okay?” Sam eventually asked, his body relaxing into the sheets.

“Of course, Sam.”

Even though Lucifer wanted nothing more than to prove Sam wrong and turn back time, even though Sam often told him to not be silly, he stayed by Sam’s side. It wasn’t the first time he had lost his patience with this topic, but Lucifer knew that Sam needed him to be calm now, if only to make things a little easier. The heartbreak in his eyes was obvious – Sam clung to life more than anyone Lucifer had ever seen – and yet, there was also something else. Lucifer knew it was acceptance, something he wasn’t able to understand just now. To a celestial being like an archangel, Sam’s lifespan wasn’t more than a breath, a second in more than anyone could count, but Sam’s life wasn’t anyone’s and Lucifer would never see all their time as something as trivial as a second.

When Sam drifted away into the restless sleep that was all he got these days, Lucifer allowed himself to relax a little. He brought the chair he usually sat in closer to Sam’s bed, switched over so the other had a little more space, and began his nightly watch.

Lucifer hated the night. Where they would usually lay together – Sam’s head resting against Lucifer’s chest and their arms around the other – Sam now tossed and turned alone, sweat covering his forehead and visibly in constant pain. Lucifer could heal anything – from broken bones to the common cold – but this was something that not even he could prevent. Sam was running out of time. His life was simply over, there was nothing anyone could do about it. The worst of all though, and Lucifer knew, even if Sam never said a word, was that his current state was more or less Lucifer’s fault. All those times he had mended his other half’s wounds, cured his sicknesses and brought him back from death’s door, had caused this – now Sam had to pay the price for it. A bitter pill to swallow indeed.

Whenever Sam turned again in his sleep, Lucifer carefully cooled his forehead with the back of his hand and made sure he was covered by his sheets completely. He was sweating, yes, but without a blanket he would freeze, which was also the reason Lucifer didn’t sleep next to him anymore.

It was almost midnight when Sam suddenly darted up, his sudden movement startling the angel next to him with the sheer strength he showed for a moment. Lucifer got down on his knees next to the bed, grabbing Sam’s hand without hesitation and tried to soothe him somehow. Sam’s breath was cut off, worse than ever before, and he felt way too cold, even for Lucifer.

“Sam, do you need anything? What is it?”

“W-water …” Sam gasped, his voice so weak Lucifer was barely able to hear the word. “Get me… water…”

“It’s okay, lay back down, Sam. Please,” Lucifer tried to stay calm and gently pushed the human back down. “I will get you some water, just lay down for me.”

To his surprise, Sam really laid still for a moment and Lucifer quickly got a glass of water from the kitchen. Carefully and with a lot of patience he managed to give Sam a few sips of it, even if most of it dripped onto the sheets. After Lucifer had put the glass back down he checked Sam’s temperature again, finding it at an alarming low.

“Oh, Sam…” he sighed and brushed over the others forehead.

Sam’s eyes rolled back for a second before focusing on Lucifer, but they weren’t as colorful anymore somehow. As if they were already dead.

“Luci… it hurts so much…”

“I know, Sam, but you are doing so good,” Lucifer gulped, trying to prevent tears from building in his eyes and failed miserably. “Just stay strong, it will be over soon.”

“And you?” Sam asked and the hand caressing his cheek stopped. “Are you strong?”

“I will be, for you.”

Sam closed his eyes slowly, his lips curling into a slight smile. Lucifer, too, felt the pain his other half felt, but it was becoming less and less each passing second. His chest tightened when he realized what was happening, but all he could do was sit there, hold Sam’s hand and wait. Nothing could prevent what came next – this was the end and they both felt it.

“I love you, Lucifer…” Sam whispered hoarsely, obviously using the last bit of strength he had left. He brought the hand Lucifer held up and pressed it against his chest.

“I know, Sam. As much as I love you and always will,” Lucifer leaned down and pressed one last kiss onto the cold head of the human, tears rolling down his cheeks. “I will never forget you, Sam. It’s all good now, I promise…”

He had expected things to go out with a bang, not like this – in a haunting silence. One moment Sam’s hand held onto him tight and he felt his heart beating beneath it; the next, his hand was limb and there was nothing except Lucifer’s hitching breath and the grief he was drowning in.

Slowly Lucifer pulled back, not able to take his eyes away from the face he would miss for the rest of his life. Sam appeared to be sleeping, but Lucifer knew better. Now, with the pain gone and his suffering finding an end, he looked peaceful and almost as young again as the day they had met. Twenty years and now it was all over. The realization was crushing, but there was one last thing that Lucifer knew would happen, so he let go of his other half’s hand and waited.

He could feel it before anything was visible. The hairs on his vessel’s arms stood up, a cold shiver ran down his spine, and then he saw it. Like white smoke – just much more beautiful – Sam’s soul emerged from his body. Lucifer expected it to descend to heaven, but once it was fully separated from Sam’s body it simply stopped, wavering in the air above him. Lucifer couldn’t look away. This was Sam, without the boundaries of his human form. Just his soul, as pure and bright and eerily beautiful as he had always known it would be – and Lucifer was completely in awe.

“Sam…” he whispered, his voice softer than ever before. Without even knowing why, just wanting to feel his other half one last time, Lucifer reached out with his hand. He didn’t know what would happen, if he was even able to touch Sam’s soul, but it didn’t matter. There was an attraction he just couldn’t fight.

The second Lucifer’s fingertips touched Sam’s soul something unexpected happened. Sam’s soul began to shine even brighter, as if it was exploding, and it became so intense that Lucifer was forced to close his eyes and turn away from it to not be blinded. At the same time he heard an eerie sound – familiar and beautiful, even though he didn’t recognize it. Still, with this sound and the light coming from Sam’s soul surrounding him, Lucifer felt complete bliss.

He couldn’t say how long it lasted – perhaps it was a second or a year – but when the sound became quiet, Lucifer dared to open his eyes. The light began to fade away, but now the source was in front of him and what he saw when it was becoming less and less made him doubt his sanity.

In front of him, not a day older than he had been ten or fifteen years ago, stood Sam – his head bowed, his eyes closed and without anything to cover him, except the light. It had changed now, spreading a warmth that had not been there before, and it disappeared right in Sam’s chest. Lucifer stared at the other in complete shock and disbelief, watching how Sam’s soul claimed its place again. When it was gone completely, Sam opened his eyes and lifted his head to look at Lucifer.

The first second the angel realized that something had changed, drastically. Sam’s eyes gave it away, even if they looked normal at first glance. When Sam smiled at him, Lucifer spotted something new in his eyes – something that should not be there.

“Grace…” Lucifer whispered with a mixture of confusion and awe.

This couldn’t be, no way. He had to be hallucinating, anything else made no sense. In an attempt to not lose himself completely, Lucifer turned around – maybe if he looked at the real Sam he could snap back into reality. There was just one problem: the bed was empty.

“I remember now, Lucifer.”

The angel spun around and stared back at the ‘new’ Sam. Remember? He didn’t know what he was talking about, but this couldn’t be real – all the suffering and now he was losing his mind.

“What _are_ you?” Lucifer managed to ask finally, to which Sam smiled knowingly.

“You know what I am and now I remember too,” Sam said calmly, without any hesitation.

“Are you… real?”

“Of course I am.”

Sam reached out, completely disregarding the fact that he was still naked, and offered Lucifer his hand. Wary, even though he could _feel_ that this was Sam and that he wasn’t in any danger, the other stepped forward and took it.

Immediately the connection he thought he had lost forever was back, but this time it was much more intense. Lucifer pulled Sam towards him and wrapped his arms around his returned other half as tight as he could, ignoring everything but the warm and soft skin under his hands and the familiar and beloved odor that filled his head with bliss. No dream, no hallucination – this was Sam and he _lived_.

“I thought I lost you forever, Sam,” Lucifer murmured against Sam’s hair, inhaling his scent and trying to memorize everything about this touch – he never wanted to forget it, ever.

“I had to die, Luci. I didn’t know, but I do now,” Sam said and gently stroke over Lucifer’s back.

“You make no sense, as always,” Lucifer chuckled, actually chuckled, and pushed his other half back a little. “What on earth happened? Why did your soul not leave, why are you alive again?”

“Because I was never meant to die like this,” Sam smiled and took Lucifer’s hand.

He guided him over to the bed, where he gently pushed the still confused Lucifer down and walked over to the wardrobe to get himself a robe. Curious, Lucifer looked behind him, only to see what he had missed before – Sam’s clothes were still on the bed, just his body was gone. He really hoped this would make sense soon, because he began to doubt he was awake again.

“When you touched my soul after it left my body you did the only thing no one must ever do, you know that, right?” Sam asked when he tied the robe and walked over to sit down next to Lucifer.

“I know, but I could not stop myself. I had to.”

“I’m glad you did. You set everything free.”

“Everything _what_?” Lucifer still didn’t understand, what was Sam talking about?

“Me,” Sam smiled. “I don’t know why, but I began to remember. My creation, my –“

“You mean, your birth?”

Sam laughed quietly and shook his head in amusement.

“Oh no, not my birth. My _creation_ , like _you_ were created. And I remember the words that were spoken to me, the promise. ‘ _You are special, Samuel_ ,’ the voice said. ‘ _The time will come when you are needed, until then you will sleep and won’t remember anything. But you will live, one day, and if the right things happen, if you can be the savior you are meant to be, then you will wake and it will all make sense._ ’”

Lucifer was stunned, to say the least. Samuel… no one ever called Sam that, except…

“God?” he asked shocked. “You are talking about _God_?”

“I know it’s surprising, but I do, yes, and now I’m finally awake,” Sam said. “You said God promised you salvation and you said I _am_ your salvation. You were right, Lucifer. But he created me long before, he created us both at the _same_ time, as two beings who would complete each other in every way.”

“Two halves made whole…”

“M.F.E.O... you said it. I died and my soul formed this vessel from the grace you once left in me – like the pieces of a puzzle finally fitting together and creating a picture,” Sam looked down at his hands, his eyes sparkling with joy and happiness. “This is me, Lucifer. The _real_ me.”

“You are an angel, I _knew_ it. Your eyes…” Sam looked up at Lucifer, hazel eyes meeting blue ones. “Your _grace_.”

“ _Our_ grace. This vessel and my grace were formed with yours, so it’s not mine alone.”

“I don’t know what to say,” Lucifer said quietly.

Somehow though, it didn’t feel like a bad thing to be out of words for once. Lucifer _knew_ that Sam was truthful, he could sense it with every part of him. As shocking as it was to find out that Sam was, in fact, an angel – it didn’t upset him in any way. He had never seen Sam so content, so utterly at peace with himself and, yes, even so beautiful. The Angels humans imagined when they heard the word – Lucifer knew this was what they thought of. They thought of an angel and saw Sam.

“I didn’t know, Lucifer, really,” Sam said. He laid a hand on his other half’s cheek, brushing over the cold skin. “I would have told you, you know that, right?”

“Of course, Sam,” Lucifer smiled and covered Sam’s hand with his own. “I know you would have.”

“Does this change anything? I mean, because we are both angels now, somehow…”

“ _Nothing_ will change my love for you, never,” Lucifer assured him and entwined their fingers. “I feared I would never see you again and having you back is more than I ever imagined.”

“This time we make it last forever, I promise.”

“Forever, yes,” Lucifer smiled and leaned forward, pressing their lips together for the first kiss in Sam’s second life – the first of many, many more – and he thought to himself that forever sounded just right in his ears. This was their second chance, their _true_ chance at happiness, and he would make sure that not a second of it would be wasted.

 


End file.
